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Where the Whiskey's Warm, the Winks are Frequent, and the Wild is...Questionable.
Saddle up, sugar! You’ve just crossed into Boob Cock Ranch — the untamed, unfiltered, and utterly unhinged Western outpost of the Trainwreck Universe. It’s where cowboys ghost you by sunrise, bar fights start over eye contact, and the Cougar & Cheetah prowl from dusk ‘til dawn in sequined boots and bad decisions.
Nestled between Poor Decision Junction and Tinder Heights, this honky-tonk heartbreak town is less about rodeos and more about emotional rope-a-dope.
Whether you’re here for love, a laugh, or just lost on the way to a real relationship, Boob Cock Ranch is always open, always rowdy, and always a little inappropriate.
The Honky-Tonk Harlot Saloon
Line dancing? Optional. Side-eyes? Mandatory. Featuring nightly performances by
The Cougar & The Cheetah, where country meets cougar in a storm of sass, splashy shots, and suspicious saddle sores.
🍻 The Open Container Corral
Part tailgate, part AA meeting. Ride through for “one drink” that turns into tequila-fueled therapy and TikToks you’ll regret in the morning. (Yes, that’s a mimosa in a Solo cup holster.)
DUI-Anna’s Parking Lot Party
Before you hit the bar, hit the brakes. This is where DUI-Anna polishes off her pregame, insists she’s “fine to drive,” and starts fights with parked trucks that looked at her funny. BYOB = Bring Your Own Breathalyzer.
🤠 Red Flag Ranger’s Watchtower
He doesn’t say much, but when he does, it sounds like wisdom wrapped in sarcasm. Tip your hat when passing. Legend says he once lassoed a one-night stand right off a mechanical bull.
👢The Hayride of Regret
A tractor tour through town that includes six exes, four breakdowns, and one suspicious tattoo artist who only knows the name "Jessica."
🌮 Tacos & Trauma Tuesdays
Held at The Lost Spurs Cantina, featuring $1 mystery meat tacos and free shots if you cry about your ex on stage. (That’s not water in your margarita — it’s salt from broken dreams.)
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