DUI-Anna

Diana was once the life of the party... literally. She made every social event, tailgate, and bottomless mimosa brunch a crash course in denial. After racking up multiple DUIs and losing her license, she still insists she's “fine to drive” because, “It’s just around the corner.” But when one of her open containers was hit by lightning during a parking lot pregame, she transformed into DUI-Anna, the boozy road menace of Alimoni-opolis.

Now she careens through Tinder Heights and Boob-Cock Ranch leaving behind a trail of spilled cocktails, smudged mascara, and unanswered Uber notifications.

 A sentient SUV parked permanently at a dive bar with 3 flat tires and a "Just One More" bumper sticker. Inside: a world of car-freshener air, crumpled fast-food bags, a half-broken breathalyzer, and at least five thermoses labeled "Coffee" but filled with rum punch. 

• Open Container Conjuring
  Can summon mini liquor bottles from her handbag at will. No container is ever actually empty — it just refills with flavored vodka.
   
• Slurred Siren Call
  Her karaoke version of “Don’t Stop Believin’” can stun even the strongest of heroes.
   
• Drunk-Time Distortion
  She manipulates reality to make 2 a.m. feel like a perfectly reasonable time for a road trip.
   
• Headlight Hypnosis
  Mesmerizes opponents with her foggy high beams and blinding “I’m fine!” glare.
   

• Keys of Chaos
  A bedazzled keychain that launches into spinning ninja stars (shaped like novelty shot glasses).
   
• Dashboard Deflector
  A cracked windshield visor that repels guilt, logic, and basic accountability.
   
• Tumbler of Turbulence
  A spiked hydroflask that spills regret on contact.

• “I’ve had waaaay worse and been fine.”
   
• “I just need to finish this drink before we go in.”
   
• “Designated driver? More like designated survivor!”
   
• “I know a shortcut—trust me, it’s scenic!”
   
• “Breathalyzer? LOL. I brought my own!”

• Ride Share Apps
  Uber, Lyft, or even a sober friend suggestion causes mild nausea and dramatic offense.
   
• Water
  Will scream “I don’t need water!” while simultaneously spilling a White Claw in protest.
   
• Sober Companions
  Immediately distances herself from anyone who’s “not drinking tonight.”
   
• Reflective Surfaces
  Her hungover reflection causes an existential spiral lasting up to 6 hours.