The Bi-Polar Express

Formerly Lana Lopez, but she changed her last name after every breakup… and there have been many !!!

Once a high-powered dating coach with an online following and a self-published eBook titled “Manifest Your Twin Flame by Tuesday,” Lana lived on the highs of validation and the lows of ghosting. After a particularly brutal string of whirlwind breakups, including one with Trainwreck Man himself, her emotional state shattered the dimensional barrier between feelings and physics. 

Now, whenever her emotions swing… reality follows.

She became The Bi-Polar Express, a woman whose inner turmoil takes literal form, and whose arrival spells both euphoria and destruction.

“The Mood Swing Station” – an abandoned subway terminal beneath Alimony-opolis. The lights constantly flicker between romantic mood lighting and flickering emergency strobes. The signage changes depending on her emotional state: sometimes it says “Forever Starts Here”, other times “Last Stop: Your Sanity.”

Inside, there's:

• A candlelit “forever dinner” table… set for one
   
• A punching bag with exes’ names
   
• A bedroom that alternates between boho nesting vibes and total meltdown cave
   

The train horn? It sounds like a mixture of a sob and a scream.

When she’s happy, the world around her glows — everyone feels enchanted. When she’s triggered, time warps and chaos erupts. Her feelings don’t just change the room — they change the realm.

Can switch from sweet seductress to savage saboteur mid-sentence. The unpredictability disorients enemies, often leaving them emotionally paralyzed (and checking their phones obsessively).

Draws in emotionally unavailable men like a magnet, only to repel them violently when her needs aren’t instantly met.

Capable of rapid emotional escalation: calling you her soulmate on Monday… and blocking your number by Tuesday afternoon.

• The Gaslight Lantern: makes her opponents question everything they ever said, did, or felt. ("I never said I loved you. You imagined that.")
   
• The On-Again Off-Again Grenade: She throws it, disappears, then returns 12 hours later like nothing happened.
   
• The Scrapbook of Shame: She carries a magically animated photo album of her and her exes, including Trainwreck Man, that updates in real time to guilt-trip her opponents.

• Consistency: Her powers short-circuit in calm, stable, long-term environments. Date night with clear expectations? She’ll implode.
   
• Therapy: Certified therapists cause her aura to flicker and her voice to crackle. She hates being called out.
   
• “It’s Not About You”: Any phrase that takes focus off her causes her mental train to derail.
   
• Just One Beer Man: His “make tomorrow forgettable” motto is her natural antidote — apathy defuses her drama-bombs.

• “I know we just met… but I love you, and also I never want to see you again.”
   
• “You don’t feel my energy?!”
   
• “It’s not a red flag if you ignore it.”
   
• “Fine. Be happy without me. Just don’t post about it.”
   
• “I’m not being dramatic. I’m being authentic.”
   
• “We’re twin flames. Or enemies. Depends on the time of day.”