Missed Target

Once a stay-at-home mom in the cul-de-sacs of Tinder Heights, Karenna Cartwright was living the dream — a Pinterest-perfect life of yoga pants, Starbucks runs, and Target hauls. But after her divorce settlement ran out and the passive-aggressive group texts dried up, she was forced to do the unthinkable: get a job.

Desperate to maintain her aesthetic (and her cart full of seasonal throw pillows), Karenna rebranded herself as “Missed Target,” a modern femme-fatale on the prowl for her next provider. She scrolls dating apps like a clearance rack, searching for emotionally available men with health insurance and a Costco card.

A hidden bunker located in the back of a closed-down Target store. Inside, it’s a pastel fever dream of overpriced candles, Rae Dunn mugs, and motivational quote signage. Surveillance screens track dating apps, child support payments, and coupon drops. Security system: activated by the phrase “Do you work?”

There’s a “Timeout Corner” where she sends anyone who questions her life choices.

• Guilt Trip Grenades: Can hurl passive-aggressive phrases that explode into shame clouds (“Must be nice to nap all day...”)
   
• Emotional Budgeting: Master of repurposing minimal affection into maximum sympathy
   
• Mimicry: Can perfectly emulate whatever a man is looking for… until he takes her out for dinner twice
   
• Weaponized Whining: Her voice can drop testosterone levels by 30% in a single monologue
   

• Actual employment: The mere mention of a 9-to-5 gives her emotional vertigo
   
• Independent women: Loathes any female character with a real career or self-esteem
   
• Honesty: Crumbles if asked what she really wants or where her life is going
   
• Unannounced plans: Cannot handle spontaneity unless it involves a Target gift card
   

• “Ugh. I just need a man who understands I’m exhausted from everything I don’t do.”
   
• “I’m not looking for a sugar daddy — just someone stable, generous, and financially delusional.”
   
• “I swear I was gonna apply today... but then Mercury was in retrograde.”
   
• “It’s not using someone if you’re emotionally vulnerable about it.”

• Tactical Text Bombs: A barrage of “wyd” and “you there?” texts deployed during football games or golf rounds
   
• The Weaponized Screenshot: She’ll send a cropped, out-of-context pic of Trainwreck Man’s IG comment to “just see how he explains that”
   
• The Financial Filter: Filters Bumble matches by zip code, truck size, and suspected home ownership
   
• “The Ex Mention”: Casually drops how much better her ex was at something… mid-makeout